Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
