Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
