Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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