he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
