Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
