just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
