it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I want her autograph on my taint
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
