I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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