walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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