Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
