I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
