They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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