dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
