I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
