Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we made out on top of his cat.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
