remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
