i just google imaged poop.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
