I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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