In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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