Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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