just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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