this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
