im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
