They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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