did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
