I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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