I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
