you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
