Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
