my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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