and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
