bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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