every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
