whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
