I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
