You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
