they need to just BURY HIM!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
