He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
