He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
