i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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