why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
