Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
