So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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