I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
