hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
