What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
