i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
