4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
