You work out of a Hotel?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm both gender and math confused
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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