Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
