Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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