so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
